Home for the Holidays

Going "home" for the holidays. I say it that way, because I guess I have finally gotten to an age in my life where "home" is actually where I live, and going to my parents' home is just that - it's their home, the home where I grew up, the home I go to visit but not where I live.

It's actually getting harder and harder for me to be away from home. My home, I mean. It's just that, when I have time to not be at work and not have to be at a certain place at a certain time, I do like to spend time in my own space, doing my own things, be it sitting on the sofa reading a book, at the table in the morning writing, or in the basement cleaning out boxes from moving or doing laundry. I like my home. I like my home life. I like being able to just do what I want to do when I want to do it. I like not having to be "on" - since I spend so much of my time around other people all day every day. Even when I'm not in class, I'm "on" - at any moment a colleague or student will come to me. I am surrounded by people. At home, I like not having to be ready to be "on".

It's not that I don't like to go away from time to time and visit and do other things. I do. Summer is the best time for me to do this. I feel much less pressure that the time away will be the only time I have, and that as soon as I get back, I have to be "on" again. Weekends away are harder. I have to be "on" as soon as I get back, after just spending three days "on" wherever it is we have gone. No down time. My personality is one that is energized by being around other people, to the point of exhaustion, so down time is incredibly important to me. Down time. Think time. Write time. Read time. Intropsective time.

Holidays are also even more demanding in terms of all the people, all the energy, all the activity. I get electrified, and all the more reason why it's better for it to be a short time away with time afterward to recoup. As it is, we are going to be spending five days away, which is really pushing my limit. I will just have to be sure I get in some "off" time - time to go running, to read, to write, to enjoy a movie and some people watching. That should help to balance all the other activity that I look forward to, but know at the same time, will exhaust me. Sort of like how I feel after a looooong run - good, but ready to just sit still for a while.