Disruptive Thought

I'm battling disruptive thought this week - when something happens that I don't like, and it keeps coming in and disrupting my thought until I can deal with it. Usually it's work-related stuff - a situation occurs, and until I can deal with it and remedy it in some way, it keeps coming into my thinking. Or, it may actually be a memory - something that happened years, even decades ago, and it will come into my thoughts and leave me feeling agitated and uneasy.

I know meditation can help with this, so I've been trying to be sure to include some time for that - short spans a few times a day. Helping or not? Hard to say.

I had worked one issue around and around in my head so much that when I finally had the opportunity to let it out (in a meeting with my colleagues), I have a sneaking suspicion I came off sounding like a raving lunatic. I didn't mean to, and it's not at all how I had envisioned the whole matter going, but there I was, gesturing with shaky hands, having a hard time breathing, feeling as though I was foaming at the mouth (not sure I wasn't), and these people looking at me wide-eyed, probably wondering if my head was going to start to spin.

Okay, so I lost it. And while this will now become the disruptive thought that enters my head (as to why I had to lose it like that), a part of me is okay with it. I just might be that crazy, old lady who goes off at what she perceives as social injustice - and maybe that's not such a bad thing. And maybe, just maybe, having people a little freaked out about someone who is passionate and adamant about what they believe is not such a bad thing. Maybe having people know that I make a better friend than enemy is not such a bad thing. And maybe, just maybe, they will appreciate having me on their side. If not, well, then it's going to be a lonely path to my retirement...